Hi! It's Sam.As you undoubtedly know, Caitlin and I
are in the midst of planning a wedding. We are both really excited to get
married and share that special day with our friends and family. I’m sure that
every couple ever feels that way, but I’m also fairly sure that the majority of
engaged couples feel that planning their wedding is a rather stressful
endeavor. I guess it’s just the nature of the beast, really; there are just
several factors that make planning a wedding very difficult at times. I mean,
planning events that involve feeding and entertaining a large group of people
are always hard. It’s very easy to get stressed out when so many different
people (a photographer, a florist, a caterer, etc.) are involved in making your
event a success. Furthermore, it’s you’re wedding! Society has created this
stigma that your wedding has to be the most perfect day of your life or else
it’s a total failure (that’s at least 5,000 more stress points to count for
those of you keeping score at home). In addition, this entire wedding related
anxiety escalates when you realize that you only get one shot at it. Sure,
divorce and other things happen and some people will have more than one wedding
in their life, but when you’re planning your wedding it’s not something that
you’re planning on doing again. All of these things combined cause millions of
brides every year to be subjected to the evil wedding planning virus (also
known as weddingplaneosis, bridezillitis, or bitchophrenia). Caitlin’s good
attitude and sense of humor have helped immunize her against the symptoms of
this planning related pathogen, but even for a girl who manages stress well
planning a wedding can be rather taxing. And then there’s the man in the
picture, seemingly on the sidelines, wanting to help, but not really knowing
how to do so. That may seem like a shocker, the fact that your significant
other actually wants to help with the wedding plans, but I think it’s true. I’m
not saying that the man in the equation is concerned about color schemes. I’m
not even saying that he cares a fig whether or not you have napkin rings (what
is the point of those things anyway?), but I am saying that he loves you
(heaven knows he probably wouldn’t be marrying you if that wasn’t the case) and
wants to make pulling off a decent wedding as stress free as possible. So, here
are some of my tips for guys and girls that will hopefully help encourage more
male involvement in wedding planning.
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| photo credit |
Before I go on, I should say that this is in no way meant to
be an exhaustive list nor do I claim to be doing all of these things
successfully myself—I’ve actually probably been more of burden than anything
else with regards to our wedding.
Now, without further ado, here it is:
For the gentlemen:
- Be proactive: This is an obvious one, but I really think it goes a long way when you show your willingness to help your fiancée before she even asks. It’s a good way to show that you love her and want her to not be so stressed.
- Have an opinion: it’s inevitable that there will come a time in the planning process when your bride-to-be will struggle to choose between two options that to her are equal in quality. It’s possible that in such a situation she will turn to you and ask you what you think would be best. It is much more helpful when you can produce an answer that is motivated by a clear opinion, which will help her make the decision. I sort of suck at applying this concept, but nevertheless I’ve found that the further away your answer is from “I don’t know…whatever…” the better.
- Do your part: There are a lot of wedding related responsibilities that are delegated to the groom such as planning the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon. If you stay on top of planning your responsibilities you will greatly decrease the stress of your soon-to-be-spouse. If you're struggling with this, don't fret: I suck at this, too.
For the ladies:
- Help your groom-to-be form opinions about things: Ladies, if you want your man to respond with an informed opinion when you ask him for his thoughts it is sometimes necessary for you to do some things to help him decide just what he thinks. For example, don’t just straight up ask your fiancée if he would rather have lily of the valley or peonies as the centerpiece on the cabaret tables at the reception. Such a question will probably receive blank stares as a response. In such cases it is important to remember to simplify things. Just as a child responds better to a picture book by Dr. Seuss than to a full-length Tolstoy novel so will a confused fiancée be more apt to form an opinion about two different flowers when they are shown to him in picture form rather than simply explained to him verbally. Just use your wedding Pinterest board. I know you have one. Don’t act like you don’t because that is definitely the first thing you did when you got a Pinterest account.
- Ask for your fiancée’s opinion: Even if your future husband doesn’t take my advice and form opinions about all the different options that you are presented with about all the many different components of planning a wedding, it is still nice to ask for his thoughts. This will make him feel like his thoughts are valued. Furthermore, make sure that he knows that his opinion really is valued. Your husband might have the worst taste in the world, but even if his idea of cool wedding décor seems like something more fit for a Buffalo Wild Wings in Cleveland, let him know that you appreciate that he is trying to help.
- Be sure to include him in on the decisions that he might actually care about: It is unlikely that your future husband cares what kind of linens you have at the reception (I’ve gotten to the point where even hearing the word linens elicits the gag reflex) but there are a few things that may concern him like food for example. I’m sure he cares what he’s going to eat. What he is going to wear is another important decision that you need to collaborate with him on. He may have never seemed to care what he wears, but even still he might not be so fond of that turquoise vest and orange tie that you’ve had your eye on.
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